A writing student recently shared the beginning of her new work in progress. I loved how she started right in the inciting incident.
But, as I kept reading, I realized there were some red flags. Instead of creating scenes using “sensual” language—touch, taste, smell, feel, she was offering summaries, aka
She told him she was annoyed at the way he’d been treating her and asked him to go to counseling with her.
He told her he loved her and had since they were children growing up together.
Why are these red flags in a work in progress?
The first one could be addressed in dialogue.
"When you mumble under your breath every time I ask you a question, it makes me feel like you don’t value or pay attention to me. I want us to see a therapist. Will you make the time for that?”
The second — He told her he loved her and had since they were children growing up together — could be a scene. A good way, that I suggest in my book Writing That Gets Noticed: Find Your Voice, Become a Better Storyteller, Get Published is to imagine you are writing a movie. Think of the camera panning in and “scenarize” it in one to two short paragraphs.
For example, you could write:
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm, orange glow across the backyard, Ella took a seat next to Alan on the weathered wooden swing. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the oak tree they used to climb as kids. Ella braced herself for the rejection she felt she’d receive — the same rejection that reverberated in the harsh words of her dad who’d left her and her mother all those years ago saying “I can’t handle this.” She’d kept her feelings to herself. But, working so closely with Alan on the child abuse foundation gala stirred up long dormant emotions. She couldn’t hold back any more and didn’t want to.
“Alan," she began, her voice trembling with vulnerability, "there's something I've never told you." Her eyes met his, shimmering with the weight of years of unspoken emotions. "I've loved you since the first time we played hide and seek in these woods." As the words touched his forever hopeful heart, Alex turned to her, his eyes filled with the realization that he wasn’t alone in his feelings. She had just been the brave one.
Here is another way to scenarize this concept that is a little shorter, but still evokes a narrative arc (beginning, middle and end):
“I remember the first time we met. We were 10 years old and shared a picnic basket at the back to grade school party. Later that night, we caught fireflies, and we filled up the glass jars and pretended they were our lanterns.
I think when you said “let’s set them free because they deserve to be in the sky more than in a jar, was the day I fell in love with you all those years ago.
“Well, it took ending up in the same senior citizen independent living home to bring us together again, but I can live with that.
You make me feel free, like the fireflies.”
Make sure to write scenes that create context, capture your emotions, and use plenty of description and language of the senses — touch, taste, smell, feel, hearing — to invite the reader into the story.
Writing Prompt
Are you struggling to boil down your deepest, most profound memories and experiences into a few sentences? Then start small. Write one sentence down. Under it, write another sentence. Keep writing sentences until you have your scene. Ask yourself with each sentence if it adds to the story? If it doesn’t, scrap it.
Try writing up these small moments:
*A small moment: can be that time you are at the beach with your child, and they pick up a seashell, and you are thrown back in time to when you picked up a seashell with your alcoholic father, the one time he wasn't on a bender.
*Or, it can be that time you are weeding in the garden, and you see the veins on your hand and it takes you to the moment that you realized your mom wasn't going to be around forever when you saw her frailty.
*Or, it can be you are washing your car, and you see the water glinting off the windows, and it brings you back to your first date with your husband and how you knew he was the one when he insisted on washing your dirty windows for you.
*Or, you are picking out a kitten with your child, and although your child wants one softly mewing kitten, you are drawn to the loudly meowing one who doesn't care they are causing a ruckus, because that's how you want to be in life.
Or, it's a moment suspended in time. Before your partner says "I love you" for the first time, before your child leaves for college, before a friend ghosts you. Before life, as you know, it is no longer the same.
Now pick your own moment, and scenarize it.
Creative Exercise
Pick up a highlighter (I like pink, but most people choose yellow), and go through your works in progress, and anywhere you see a summary, highlight it. Then try to replace the summary with dialogue or a scene, or perhaps even both.
You’ll either say something worthy, or make a scene. Either is preferable to a boring, academic-sounding summary.
Go for it!
Writing Opportunity If You Like Wine
Rachel Tepper Paley @racheltepper: Folks! @WineEnthusiast wants stories to run during Hispanic Heritage Month (from September 13-October 13). Get me at rpaley@wineenthusiast.net. $0.50/word. Pitching guidelines, if it helps: https://wineenthusiast.com/how-to-pitch/
Writing Opportunity - A Fellowship
The application for the 2024 Periplus Fellowship — offering mentorship and community to writers of color — is now open! Learn more and apply by 10/27 here. There's no fee to apply.
Freelance Writing Direct
I’m excited about this episode because it is with a publication that has gone through a lot of changes since I edited for it a few years ago, pre-pandemic. The co-founder and editorial director of Narratively reveals everything he is looking for in a story in this enthralling discussion. Check it out here. And please rate and review the podcast on iTunes. You can find more episodes here.
Sounding the Siren on Social Media
I share writing advice on TikTok, and I’m loving it.
Announcing My Next NYU Editor-on-Call Event
I teased that I would announce the next Editor-on-Call event on Substack today, and here it is. Drumroll please.
My Next NYU Editor-On-Call Event is with the Lifestyle Editor of Shondaland, Derrik Lang, and I’m very excited to have this conversation called Showing Up for Shondaland and the discussion will be On November 15, from 12:30-1:30 pm EST. Other Editor-on-Call webinars have been with editors from The Washington Post, and The New York Times and you won’t want to miss this one. Find information on the Webinar and how to register here (under the section under NYU).
I’m Co-Teaching a Workshop on Pitching and Selling Reported Essays
Editors tell me one of the most in-demand forms of writing is reported essays — and it is also a personal favorite of mine. I'm excited to be co-teaching a workshop the subject with the wonderful writer, author, writing coach, Paulette Perhach.
In this class you will learn the basics of reported essay writing, from finding a topic to conducting research to organizing your thoughts. You will also learn how to use your voice and style to create a compelling and engaging essay.
Writing That Gets Noticed was Excerpted In Jane Friedman’s Newsletter
I was also thrilled to have my chapter on How to Successfully Pitch Op-Eds and Timely Cultural Pieces on Jane Friedman’s newsletter. Jane Friedman covers every important issue in the business of book publishing on her newsletter, including the accent of AI on Amazon and Goodreads. In the article, I share how it is important to have a counterintuitive attitude and how to add credibility with research. So many more tips in my book.
Jane reported that my post was the most popular that month.
What I’m Reading
Lots of books, but I had to point out the essay in Diagram The Professor of Longing. The author writes, “One semester at the end of an American Literature Survey, I looked back over all the short stories, plays, and poems I had assigned, and I recognized my own fiction, drama, and lines beneath the syllabus, like a palimpsest… So I wanted to write an honest syllabus, to expose the person behind the professor.”
What I’m Watching
I’m obsessed with Suits. Finished season 8 on Netflix and headed to Peacock for Season 9. After that I will watch Pearson.
What I’m Buying
Back to school clothes for my daughter. She loves Lululemon, as do all teenage girls, I guess.
Podcasts I’ve appeared on
I love being a guest on podcasts as much as I enjoy hosting my own podcast Freelance Writing Direct. Reach out to me at freelancewritingdirect@gmail.com if you are interested in having me on.
Here are some of my recent appearances.
Dr. Sheryl Ziegler’s PodCouch talking about my mental health after childbirth and what I did to make it better and find my voice
Legacy Launch Pad Publishing with Anna David talking about Getting Articles Published and Landing An Agent
Wellness for Financial Grownups with Bobbi Rebell talking about How to Get Paid for Jobs You Do (And Sometimes Do) for Free with Author Estelle Erasmus
The Mom & Podcast CareerPauses, Pivots and Parlaying Your Skill Sets
Financially Well-Off From Careers to Publication: A Guide to Writing Success
Real Women’s Work Podcast: Writer, Writing Coach, Author of Writing That Gets Noticed
More soon, including another call for pitches for paying subscribers, and some other writing, editing and publishing opportunities.
Thanks so much to the editors and organizations who have reached out to me to share these with me. Keep them coming!